Mom Vs. Artist

It’s not easy being a parent.
That’s it. There’s no “however” or “but” or magical secret that I’ve discovered that makes being a parent any easier. It’s hard mentally, emotionally, and physically, and I haven’t even been doing it for five years yet.

I knew when I got pregnant that I didn’t want to lose myself to being a mom. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it just isn’t for me. I wanted to continue with my own artwork and stay active in the arts community. At the time, I was president of the Artisans Road Trip (an open studio and gallery tour in NW Iowa) and that really helped me to stay connected with other active artists for the first few years of being a parent. Being able to strap my babies to my body to have my hands free also helped A LOT.

Words to live by.

The majority of full-time artists that I personally know are retired. They set aside their art for years to raise families, have non-art careers that pay their mortgage, and then once their children have grown and moved out and they stop working, they finally have the time to pursue their artistic interests. Yes, I also know a few that have careers in the art field, and how awesome is it that they have that opportunity!

It's hard to believe, but I'm actually producing more art now than I did when I was single and didn't have children. Which always begs the question, "How do you do it all?"

The answer is, of course, complicated! I was a guest on the Moms Who Create podcast back in March, and we talked about balancing parenting and creating. You can listen to my episode here. The reality is that Jon doesn’t come home from work to a spotless house. He also does most of the cooking. I don’t get enough sleep on a weekly basis. Sometimes mountains of clean laundry wait on our couch for an embarrassingly long amount of time (days) before it gets folded - my grandma would be rolling over in her grave if she only knew.

Don't zoom in, it's just Harry Potter stuff on that shelf.

What it really boils down to is priorities. I am lucky enough (and eternally grateful) that my husband, and the rest of my family, is supportive of me in my career as an artist. That support enables me to make my artwork a priority in my life. And when my artwork is a priority in my life, I am fulfilled as a person and better able to be a mom and wife. It’s my self-care. Yeah, a bubble bath would be great, but if I could just get 45 minutes in my studio instead…

So what is it really like to be a parent and an active artist at the same time? It looks like the only light on in the house is in my studio as I paint into the night while everyone else sleeps. It looks like putting the girls in the bathtub and praying they will be happily occupied for twenty minutes so I can get a first round of inks on a drawing. It looks like a 4” watercolor illustration that took over a week to complete because I could only sneak in five minutes on it per day. It feels like the excitement at finally finishing a piece at 1:00am, but dreading the fact that I’ll be up again in an hour to tuck someone back into bed. It looks like getting my supplies ready and just before I touch brush to paper, I have to stop because we are in the middle of potty training and somebody just peed in the living room. It sounds like “Baby Shark” on repeat instead of art podcasts while I create during the day, or complete silence as I work at night. It also sounds like my four-year-old seeing me in my studio and then having to argue with her because “It’s mommy’s turn to paint!”

Mommy's watercolors vs. the kids' watercolors.

But it also looks like my two-year-old picking my children’s book (If Only I Had, available here on Amazon 😉) to read for bedtime. It looks like my girls’ first paintings framed and hung in our hallway next to an art project I did with my stepsons when I was dating their dad. It sounds like excitement when my kids see their mom’s picture on the front page of the newspaper. It looks like an endless supply of abstract backgrounds, ready made for collaborations like this one:

"Blue Skull Tattoo" - a mixed media collaboration by Haley and Emma McAndrews.

Any parent will tell you “it goes by so fast!” and I believe it. I wonder if, when they grow up, my kids will be proud of their mom who is an artist, or if they will rebel against me: “NO, MOM, I DON’T WANT TO MAKE ART I JUST WANT TO FILE TAXES FOR CORPORATIONS!” (Joke’s on them, I also have experience with bookkeeping and payroll!)